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在陽光裏看那些支離破碎的日子

 枕邊依舊放著安妮的書,那樣入睡的感覺似乎可以安心些。有些事情就像後視鏡裏的世界一直在過去,漸漸遠離。
  淩晨4點23分醒來,手機螢屏的藍色光照得眼睛很疼,整夜翻來覆去的睡眠,總是很輕易的醒來。突然間有些心痛,不止是為那些失眠的人,還是為那些活在痛苦邊緣的人。手指在枕頭底下一本書上輕輕的觸碰,觸碰那些微微突起的書名,心在黑夜裏有點抽搐的疼,黑暗卻隱藏了所有的悲涼,寂靜的夜還是這樣的孤獨。
  該睡覺的時候不睡覺,不該休息的時候眼睛卻睜不了,這種感覺總是讓人心神不寧。在夜晚,大腦異常的興奮,很是清醒,似乎連很遠以外天空突然的鳥叫,也會感覺在耳邊一樣清晰。或許心靜的時候什麼都可以聽得到吧。就算是很久很久前你說的話,也可以在這樣的夜裏聽得到。
  喜歡在看東西的時候,指尖在髮髻穿梭,一點點的穿透在發間,自由的感覺。喜歡看一些文字,看那些看過很多遍的文字,每一次的閱讀都是一種重新釋放悲傷的機會。有時候寫一段文字,需要很久很久的時間,不知道下一句該如何的拼湊出來。然後,大量大量聽悲傷的音樂,似乎只要一點點的悲傷,就足可以把剩下的所有全部勾勒出來。眼角有點潮濕,只是那麼習慣的把那些很小的悲傷瞬間放大無數倍,只為讓自己不時看看過去的傷口,告訴自己有些幸福不要奢望。那是永遠沒有交集的平行線。
  習慣一個人坐在一邊,一句話不說,看著文字,寫著文字,把耳朵裏的音樂一直的聽進心裏,偶爾大聲的跟著唱幾句,喜歡這樣的自由,不用費盡心思的。習慣聽到一些音樂,然後想念一些人,淡淡的。那些突如其來的想念,總是能輕易直擊心底,心底的防線有時候就是這樣莫名其妙的碎了一地。思君令人老。
  翻開那些過往的日記本,看著那些字跡,清晰的讓人有些心痛。有的頁腳有些蜷起,輕輕的攤開,接著翻入下一頁。那些過去的日子就像這樣一本本的記事本,儲存在箱子的底部,不輕易翻出。
  看著天空,想念那些有香煙陪伴的日子,即使一個人看著天空也不會覺得寂寞,即使一個人在橋上看那陽光的餘暉也仍然覺得溫暖,即使一個人在這樣的夜裏蜷縮著身體莫名的翻來覆去也不會覺得厭倦。有些東西是該被記住的,但我們卻只能遠觀。

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